Thursday, September 22, 2011

It's Tuesday and I Have To Be Somewhere at 10:30

My morning goes like this:
  • 6:30am, I'm awake and nursing the baby who I thought I weaned a few months back while trying to keep my eyes closed tight and my head on my pillow 
  • Scoot the baby onto the floor with toys
  • Drag myself out of bed at the sound of a baby no longer satisfied with a pile of Star Wars guys- change his diaper because the whole upstairs reeks
  • Dress the baby
  • Give the baby a granola bar and set him on the bathroom floor and hop in the shower
  • Turn off the shower in time to hear Simon screaming. They are both up. Lena did something to him
  • Run past the bare window in the hallway and into my room with baby on my naked hip and start getting dressed
  • Change the baby's clothes because he opened the shower curtain on me 10 times
  • Change baby's diaper again- again?!
  • Head down stairs and throw breakfast together 
  • Peel Simon away from playing Star Wars Legos and remind him today is the day he gets his cast off. Then remember he isn't excited about that fact
  • Finish cleaning breakfast disasters-there are more Raisin Bran flakes on the table than in the bowls and someone dumped their whole yogurt on the floor
  • Order children to get dressed
  • Force clothing onto two disobedient children that run away after each article of clothing is put on
  • Get ready some more
  • Hear Simon scream. Lena did something to him
  • Peel Simon off Star Wars Legos and put Lena in a time out
  • Change baby's diaper. Again. What is going on?!
  • Look up where I'm going on GPS, grab my bag and keys and hustle everyone into the car
  • Diffuse melt downs over footwear
  • Go back in and grab Lena's things for school just in case we don't make it back for the bus
  • Look at clock- 10:17, we're going to be right on time, imagine that!
  • Finish makeup in the car
  • Start the trek up to the doctor's office and realize there's no stroller
  • Carry baby while holding the older's hands in the parking lot
  • Diffuse fight over who holds who's hand
  • Wait in line
  • Break up a fight. Lena bothering Simon. Simon screaming.
  • Children notice a fish tank, they take baby brother to see
  • Smile at strangers admiring the baby's fiery red locks and cute old man walk
  • Check in and sit down in a crowded waiting area that does not have a fish tank
  • Chase baby because he ran to see the fish tank
  • Chase baby to and from fish tank 15 more times and smile at strangers that are amused
  • Decide that it's not amusing anymore and search in my bag for something for the baby to eat/play with
  • Discover what seems to be a fermenting piece of fruit at the bottom of my bag and dry heave a little bit because it's now on my hand
  • Make a mental note to clean out my bag more often
  • Look up and discover baby has run off again. Leave fermentation for later and chase down baby
  • Convince children to play with things instead of trying to share/fight over the same chair
  • Wait
  • Children are whining they are thirsty. Leave good/rare seats to find water.
  • Deal with situations that occur when young children are given cups of water
  • Stand
  • Chase
  • Wait
  • Chase
  • Note, that for once, I am on time and the doctor is running late
  • Call Jeff to see if he can come pick up Lena because there's no way we'll make it back for her bus
  • Watch baby roll on the floor kicking and screaming and then smile at amused(annoyed) strangers 
  • Wait
  • Chase
  • "Simon Vaisey" FINALLY we're called
  • Shuffle children, pick up fermenting fruit bag and head back to wait in a smaller room
  • Wait
  • Shuffle children to next room and hold baby while Simon sits nervously as his cast is sawed off his arm. Wish for a stroller.
  • "Glenn Beck" uses the quiet saw to pry off Simon's cast as he nervously looks on
  • Shuffle children to waiting area for an X-ray.
  • Wait while holding fidgety baby
  • Shuffle children to X-ray room
  • you think the X-ray technician would appreciate this one?
  • Hold baby while he screams and does that arching his back thing all mothers detest 
  • Shuffle children to another waiting room this time with a movie and puzzles and more amused strangers
  • Pull baby off of kid table
  • Wait
  • Pull baby off of kid table
  • Jeff's here! Direct him to where we are
  • Meet Jeff in the lobby, relief has never looked so good!
  • Gladly drive Lena to school
  • Peel off a crying Lena from my leg at school:( 
  • Back to the doctor's office, they are finished!
  • After much debate head to lunch with Jeff
  • Sit and eat through one half hour of an under napped baby flailing about in a high chair while he throws every piece of food he is given onto the floor.
  • Note that there are amused strangers wherever we go
  • Go home, put baby in his crib, shut the door tight and put Simon in front of his beloved Star Wars Legos game.
  • Stand in the kitchen shell shocked and afraid to sit down because the earth might explode
the saga continues...
Then the morning melted into the afternoon where the baby's nap was short, Simon peed his pants, Lena's bus seemed to arrive home extra early and every child within a 1 mile radius came over to play. 

But I'm not complaining. 
I'm going to New York City without all of them on Saturday for three days.

And If all you got from this post was noticing my newest pair of glasses and my upcoming trip to New York City, I'm totally with you. I just thought you should know what goes on between getting new glasses and trips to New York City. 

It's a delicate balance of self pity and rewards.
And as it just so happens, I am the queen of justification. The absolute queen.
And if you made it through this entire post you can come with me and I'll tell you all about it.


Amanda said...

I miss Simon's red cast already.
Maybe I should bullet point my day to justify why I am in need of this trip to NYC as well. Thing is, is that you have me beat by a long shot. I think I'm easily worn thin on patience by my children... even when they're decently behaved. Eh, oh well. This weekend will be so refreshing, and I deserve it ;)

Sherry Gammon Author Of Unlovable said...

Now I need a nap after reading that!

k1 said...

Hey! This was almost exactly my day today. (Well, sort of...). I'm with you, let's go live it up!

Marci said...

oh my...this was such a refreshing read! sometimes I think the only reason I have mornings like yours is because I must not be a very "put together" mom. it is nice to know that put together moms like yourself have days like this too!

robin said...

i felt as if i was right there with you as i read this description of your day.

hooray for crazy!

communikate. said...

i felt bad for you right up to the point when you said NYC.

you're not fooling anyone lady. :)

but really, let's talk about your super cute glasses and long pretty hair. jeal.ous.

Rebekah V. said...

I read this and it was like I was watching a war movie and then all of a sudden I was having my own 'nam flashbacks in black and white and by 'nam flashbacks I mean memories of my own experience in doctor's offices with young kids.

I am not sure if I want to punch amused strangers or hug them ever. Mostly I wish they would just ingnore my long string of public humiliation with kids freaking out in public places.

Anyway. This post was very evocative and very accurate and I am really glad you are getting a trip to nyc.

ps. get me a knock off purse while you are there. thanks.

Anonymous said...

A totally refreshing post. Have fun in NYC!

chelsey meyer said...

makes me think maybe just one kiddo is good for me ;)

just for you:

{not really but a little}

kelly said...

you ladies are killing me dead.
"put together mom" bahaha.
i could do more posts like these, but i'm afraid of the spreading a world wide web panic attack.

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