Sunday, January 06, 2008

41 Weeks, 1 day...and Counting

Paaleeease give me patience to persevere this seemingly endless journey of waddling, groin pains when sitting, standing, or doing anything, clothes not fitting, center of balance totally jacked up, jarring abdomen, constantly using the bathroom, and fitful sleep. May it all end abruptly and memorably with a sweet little baby in arms by tomorrow’s end. Wait, on second thought, make that today's end. Amen.

(Yes, I am STILL pregnant. And, it's probably in your best interest NOT to ask me about it)

On Saturday, I hit my wall. I’ll call this transition. Most people define “transition” as that period when a mom is dilated to around 7-8 cm and the physical pain is intense. This is usually the phase when she’s grumpy, angry, desperate, yelling expletives, cursing her husband for getting her in this situation, asking for pain meds, and just hitting the wall. Usually, it only lasts 20-30 minutes, then it’s time to push out the baby.

No, I have not hit any major physical pain areas of labor just yet (although 8 months of heartburn have plagued me, leading to extreme frustration and irritation). I have mentally prepared myself to deal with the pain of the birth process. I know it will be difficult and that it may be the worst pain I ever endure, but I am ready to embrace physical pain. What I was never prepared for was the pregnancy that would never end. . . one that isn’t exactly covered in the textbooks . . . one that defies all labor induction methods. . . one that just baffles everyone, mostly me who has been ready for this baby to be born everyday for the last few weeks.

I believe my biggest hurdle isn’t necessarily the physical pain of childbirth (pain sucks for everyone, let’s face it), but rather that this is truly trying my patience.

I’ve heard from so many people that I should have had this baby by now based on the way I’ve been dilating (on Thursday I was at 4cm). Or that certain induction methods can't fail. Well, they all fail on me. Those that tell me that I’ll have a fast active labor because I’ve progressed so far, I just block that out. If it takes me this long (weeks) to dilate this far, then how do I know I won’t be pushing for 4 or 5 hours? I’m just going to mentally prepare myself for it, and if it’s all over in less than 2 hours, then hey, I won’t be disappointed.

Just because my labor doesn’t look like everyone else’s doesn’t mean it’s not labor. Sure, you can have Braxton-Hicks contractions for months on end, but that doesn’t mean they’re contractions that progress you toward active labor. My contractions may mostly be painless, but I’m definitely progressing. It’s just VERY VERY SLOW. Of course the baby will come when it’s time, but PLEASE don’t tell me I’m being impatient.

If I was impatient, I would have had a hospital birth. Had that happened, by now, they would have broken the bag of waters, given me pitocin which may have escalated into them offering me an epidural or wheeling me off to get a cesarean section. And, by now, I’d have had the baby. But no, I’m not willing to go that route (Although, I now have a much better understanding of why women out there choose to set an induction date). I am waiting "patiently" to labor and birth quietly in this house

...and I will stay in this house, not going ANYWHERE, until this baby arrives. Until then, know that I do appreciate the love, support, and concern from friends and family. I’m getting over my transitional period of being annoyed at the situation and the things people say to me. But, your best bet is still to not ask me if we’ve had the baby yet . . . trust me, you will know. I’ll call many of you, and others will read about it on the blog. But for now, keep us in your prayers:)


Anonymous said...

whew....glad you got that off your chest! :-) I'll see you tomorrow!! Momma's coming to play with Lena, cook meals for you and bring you breakfast in bed! I love you Kel. He will be here soon.
Love mom

Brandi said...

Oh Kelly, you poor girl!! My thoughts are with you! I hope things go well, and quickly, for you. But until then, just think about that sweet baby and all the goodbyes there must be in the Spirit World. And all the wonderful things they must be saying about you and how lucky this baby is to have you for a mother! We love you and will keep you in our prayers!!
Brandi (& Tim, I always have to say that even though he never knows about half the stuff I say to people! :) )

The Fraser's said...

I can't relate but I am sure JoLynn can - we're in Rochester now so if you need anything please don't hesitate to call...

Hoesli said...

Who me?? This message isn't geared toward me is it? I understand if it is. I like to call my sist everyday to talk to her....thats normal??

THE LEAVITT's said...

Kelly, Your my Hero. I could never do it. I would have fallen out around week 41 and been induced. Way to go.

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