A Monday Morning Dose of the Touchy Feelies

Thoughts and feelings for an online journal entry: Sunday, December 13, 2009

It's 10:30 p.m. on a quiet, Sunday night and I type to the (loud) sounds of a Toy Story game being played on the iPhone. I look over to the lump of white bedspread next to me on the couch and tell him gently to turn it down. He obliges as he slides his chubby finger across the screen. You see, Simon took an over two hour nap today and can't seem to fall asleep for the life of him.

Normally I would be quite frustrated with him as I listen to his little footsteps upstairs, scurrying across the hallway for the 5th time. But, tonight I chose not to. I went upstairs, picked him up from behind the door in my bedroom (where he was hiding from me) and rocked him in the chair like I used to nightly, not so long ago. He laid completely still in my arms, wide awake looking up at me, his mother. I was spiritually overcome with emotion as I felt my love for him flooding in from head to toe and we continued that way for a long peaceful while. I couldn't help but think about all the many moments like these I miss out on by letting frustration and short patience take over my daily dealings with my children.

Tonight, the last installment of Stephanie Nielson's story was published, and I read and hung on every last word. The details of her journey of the past year are impossible to imagine. Impossible. Her story, among so many that have endured hardships and trials of such nature, has particularly touched me as it speaks to me and my role as a mother. When I look at the nie-inspired silhouettes that adorn my wall I am reminded, through her remarkable story, that I can happily chose to enjoy doing what I do. Why I whole-heartedly love being a mother to my own two, soon-to-be three, sweet children. And more importantly, just how fragile and precious that gift given to me is.

It is, and always will be about the choices we make. The family we are building here on earth trumps no other task set before us. Our children and our families are the single most precious thing we possess. No question. I think as women and mothers, we all feel this in our own way. A strong desire to trudge forward through the difficulty. The important thing is to remember those feelings. And to have them live with us daily. Let that be the choice I strive continually to make.