Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Bloody Stumps and Pre-Eating Disorders

I am sitting in the (clean) living room (because home teachies are coming over tonight, why else would it be clean), with my bloody stumps for feet propped up while I plot out my next move and all while sipping a refreshing Diet Coke(my get-it-done juice).

So why the bloody stumps, you ask? Well, I'll tell you why. Why is because I spent about 3.5 precious computer browsing hours re-raking and first time raking the front/back/sideyard/driveway.

So very man-of-the-house of me.

It's called keeping up with the Jones'. And it is no small task.
Each season we are put to shame with our neighbor's tenacious yard activities. To the left we have divorced, single mom with mad skillz in the garden department and apparently lots of spare time to fine tune said skillz. To the right we have retired professors with hired professionals doing all of their dirty work for them.

Pshhhh. As if.

But besides the whole bloody stumps thing, it was actually quite enjoyable. A very nice work out for my ever-expanding bod. And my children ran around half clothed eating acorns and dirt.

Go fig.

Speaking of ever expanding bod, I woke up this morning and slipped on the very jeans I wore yesterday except this time no bella band necessary. I pulled up the zipper on those suckers and buttoned them right up.
What the what?
You got me.
The only thing I can think of is that this crazy baby is sneaking issues of People Magazine and decided to get a head start on all this body image nonsense.
Yeah, like 5 ounces is overweight.
can we say,
"Does this umbilical cord make me looks fat?"

Anorexia in the womb. Now there's something you don't hear everyday.

But I digress...And I can't wait to eat my nightly ice cream cone with my obliging husb.
Curves are beautiful and I intend on letting this unborn baby experience that first hand. (that is unless I keep raking like it's hot)


Yours Truly said...

"does this umbilical cord make me look fat?" Who comes up with this stuff?!? Seriously hilar...the incredibly shrinking fetus. It's like " I don't even count calories. I eat whatever I want" I hate your baby already. No actually I love it because I love the babies that come later and nobody notices (like poor me lost in the crowd.) So I will rub your ever changing belly (is it big or is it little?) many times while we wile away the hours in Orlando. Just a couple of weeks!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Killing me...I agree with Yours Truly. Where do you get these ideas and/or words? A fetal eating disorder? Who would ever come up with such frivolity! I am the luckiest mother-in-law alive!

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